I often quote myself, as it adds spice to my conversation. ~George Bernard Shaw
We have the power to make this the best generation of mankind in the history of the world or to make it the last.
He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches.
Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right.
The badness of a movie is directly proportionate to the number of helicopters in it. ~Dave Barry
A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made, in a narrow field.
Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
The optimist proclaims we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative.
The man who strikes first admits that his ideas have given out.
I would have made a good pope.
When you have nothing to say, say nothing.
Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute, now THAT'S relativity. ~Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense of humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor.
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit and shut up.
What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog.
Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles.
Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.
We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.
There's a difference between beauty and charm. A beautiful woman is one I notice. A charming woman is one who notices me. ~John Erskine
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.
Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
In times like these, it is helpful to remember that there have always been times like these. ~Paul Harvey
Men are like wine - some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.
Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.
When you take stuff from one writer it's plagiarism; but when you take it from many writers, it's research.
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets.
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
They talk most who have the least to say.
A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.
We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read.
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can write a book. ~Ronald Reagan
The problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are so certain of themselves, while the wiser are so full of doubts.
Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
Education is what you get when you read the fine print. Experience is what you get when you don't.
You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.
There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, not being talked about.
God gave us all a penis and a brain, but only enough blood to run one at a time.
Some men see things as they are and say why? I dream things that never were and say "Why not?"
I find that a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way.
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
A teacher affects eternity, he can never tell, where his influence stops.
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her, or she'll take it anyway.
Life beats down and crushes the soul. Art reminds you that you have one.
Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth.
I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear. ~Woody Allen
Probable impossibilities are to be preferred to improbable possibilities.
What passes for optimism is most often the effect of an intellectual error.
Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can. All of them make me laugh.
Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
A committee: A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary.
You can observe a lot by just watching.
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.
Every problem has a gift for you in its hands.
When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer
The covers of this book are too far apart.
What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure.
The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.
Big egos are big shields for lots of empty space.
What is now proved was once only imagined.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
Maybe I'm lucky to be going so slowly, because I may be going in the wrong direction.
Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.
Some people like my advice so much that they frame it on the wall instead of using it.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world. ~J. Danforth Quayle (former U.S. Vice President)
I don't believe in pessimism. If something doesn't come up the way you want, forge ahead. If you think it's going to rain, it will.
Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.
I think that people want peace so much that one of these days government had better get out of their way and let them have it.
Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
Inside every older person is a younger person - wondering what the hell happened. ~Cora Harvey Armstrong
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name.
When you read a classic you do not see in the book more than you did before. You see more in you than there was before.
Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs.
Well done is better than well said.
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
It's not your blue blood, your pedigree or your college degree. It's what you do with your life that counts.
All things are difficult before they are easy.
One of the greatest pieces of economic wisdom is to know what you do not know.
Live as if your were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.
I wouldn't mind dying -- it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow.
I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet, strange, I am ungrateful to those teachers.
The fewer the facts, the stronger the opinion.
Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live.
Humor is a universal language.
The market is not an invention of capitalism. It has existed for centuries. It’s an invention of civilization.
Love is not blind - it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less.
Figures won't lie, but liars will figure.
They can hold all the peace talks they want, but there will never be peace in the Middle East. Billions of years from now, when Earth is hurtling toward the Sun and there is nothing left alive on the planet except a few microorganisms, the microorganisms living in the Middle East will be bitter enemies.
Those who stand for nothing fall for anything.
There are things that are so serious that you can only joke about them.
Life is a waste of time
Nothing is permanent except change.
We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex - but Congress can.
Drama is life with the dull bits cut out.
What luck for the rulers that men do not think.
Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.
When a fellow says it ain't the money but the principle of the thing, it's the money.
You can get much farther with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.
Few rich men own their own property. The property owns them.
It is only when they go wrong that machines remind you how powerful they are.
I'm a great believer in luck. I find the harder I work the more I have of it.
The true art of memory is the art of attention.
It is better to debate a question without settling it than to settle a question without debating it.
Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life.
Keep your face to the sunshine, and you cannot see the shadows.
Imagination is more important than knowledge.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
He flung himself from the room, flung himself upon his horse and rode madly off in all directions.
Physics isn't a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
Stay humble. Always answer your phone---no matter who else is in the car.
The little things are most worthwhile--quiet word, a look, a smile.
Slow and steady wins the race.
The average person thinks he isn't.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
It's only words...unless they're true.
If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
If Karl, instead of writing a lot about capital, had made a lot of it, it would have been much better.
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.
Conscience is the inner voice that warns us that someone might be looking.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives.
A wise man sees as much as he ought, not as much as he can.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal.
Anyone who isn't confused really doesn't understand the situation.
If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will not use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with bad hair.
No man is rich enough to buy back his past.
Lack of will power has caused more failure than lack of intelligence or ability.
Believe me! The secret of reaping the greatest fruitfulness and the greatest enjoyment from life is to live dangerously!
Voters quickly forget what a man says.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
To give up the task of reforming society is to give up one's responsibility as a free man.
Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often discover what they lack.
Any society that needs disclaimers has too many lawyers.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence.
They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.
Cinema should make you forget you are sitting in a theater.
One lives in the hope of becoming a memory.
The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.
If the human mind were simple enough to understand, we'd be too simple to understand it.
The scientists split the atom; now the atom is splitting us.
A timid person is frightened before a danger, a coward during the time, and a courageous person afterward.
Don't be afraid to give up the good for the great.
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
Miscellaneous is always the largest category.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else.
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
A man's feet should be planted in his country, but his eyes should survey the world.
The best way to escape a problem is to solve it.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist.…
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable man persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
Democracy encourages the majority to decide things about which the majority is ignorant.
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
What you don't know would make a great book.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
Never buy shoes early in the day when your feet are their smallest.
The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from. ~Andres S. Tannenbaum
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
It is the greatest of all advantages to enjoy no advantage at all.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
If you want to be happy, be.
It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.
As long as you’re going to be thinking anyway, think big.
Children are the only form of immortality that we can be sure of.
A conservative is a man who does not think that anything should be done for the first time.
Use what talent you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best.
No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
Half of the American people have never read a newspaper. Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half.
The best way to be boring is to leave nothing out.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
The sports page records people's accomplishments; the front-page nothing but their failures.
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention in human history, with the possible exception of handguns and tequila.
The highest ecstasy is the attention at its fullest.
I passionately hate the idea of being with it, I think an artist has always to be out of step with his time.
Find out what you like doing best and get someone to pay you for doing it.
Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.
You talk too much… Let's fight!
One, with God, is always a majority, but many a martyr has been burned at the stake while the votes were being counted.
When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel."
I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
A drink a day keeps the shrink away.
There is only one religion, though there are a hundred versions of it.
Sometimes doors are closed for us, giving us no choice but to move forward. It's nice to think our most difficult times are blessings in disguise.
The joy of becoming whole is always accompanied by tears. Every step toward a healthy body, mind and soul asks that we say goodbye to something familiar.
As a final incentive before giving up a difficult task, try to imagine it successfully accomplished by someone you violently dislike.
Great men talk about ideas;
No hay comentarios.:
Publicar un comentario